


Since You've Been Gone

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, First Time, Futurefic, M/M, hurt-comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-09-05
Updated: 2004-09-05
Packaged: 2017-11-01 08:56:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex helps Clark to grieve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Since You've Been Gone

## Since You've Been Gone

by Kitkat

<http://www.geocities.com/indian_skimmer>

* * *

Title: Since You've Been Gone  
Author: Kitkat  
Author Email: kitkat3979@yahoo.com.au  
Category: first time, angst, future fic, AU Spoilers For: Season 3  
Rating: NC/17  
Pairing: Clark/Lex  
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me.  
Author's notes: Thanks to my wonderful betas indian_skimmer and lemonbella. I couldn't do it without them. Feedback would be gratefully appreciated. Summary: Lex helps Clark to grieve. 

* * *

*  
There's a weight dragging through my days that I spend trying to fill the space That's been there since the day that we parted and made our goodbyes There's a truth begging to be told as the blues grab and take a hold And I just can't believe when I wake up that you could be gone *  
"Since You've Been Gone" Powderfinger 

* * *

Jonathan Kent was buried today. 

Lex had the urge all day to jump in his car and drive to Smallville, to stand by Clark's side. Only the knowledge that he wouldn't be welcome kept him away. 

Lex had initially tried to forget about his time in Smallville, and about Clark. When this drove him close to a nervous breakdown he changed his tactics, and kept up with only the most public details of Clark's life. Clark had tried to contact him, of course, after he'd had time to cool down. There had been several conciliatory phone messages and emails, and Clark had eventually caught Lex on his cell phone. 

It took everything Lex had to be strong, and not give into the pleading words and declarations of friendship. He wanted nothing more than to have Clark in his life, but he'd learnt that having a friend meant leaving himself open to hurt. Clark always knew just what words would hurt him, and when he was angry he had no qualms about using them. Lex knew he'd always love Clark, but he could see himself coming to hate him too. 

A fully funded scholarship to Kansas State University, carefully re-routed through multiple LexCorp subsidiaries and charities, had kept Clark out of Metropolis, as well as providing him with a double degree in science and journalism. It also allowed Lex to keep up to date with Clark's life and his grades. 

Lex had also known about Jonathan Kent's continuing heart condition. A nurse on the staff at Smallville General was well paid to call him if anyone on a select list of people was admitted. Despite the prominent heart surgeon that Lex had ensured was seconded to the hospital, Jonathan had three heart attacks in the space of six months, and the last one had killed him. 

After the day spent fighting with himself, Lex planned to get very, very drunk now he was home. The weather had seemed to reflect his mood all day, with storms and pelting rain. It seemed rather appropriate that the rain was lashing against his windows in the same way his internal voice was lashing against him. 

Lex draped his coat over the back of the balustrade as he walked into the penthouse. He had called earlier and asked the staff to leave him something to eat, and be gone by the time he arrived. He didn't want them to be there for the maudlin section of the evening's entertainment, and didn't want to risk firing them all while under the influence. 

Making his way into the den, Lex didn't bother to turn on any of the lights, the flickering from the open fire that the housekeeper had set, and the faint glimmer of the city outside providing enough illumination. After kicking off his shoes and socks, and pouring himself a large scotch, he quietly began to pace the room. On his third pass by the locked French doors he paused, something having caught his eye. Staring out at the sodden apparition on his balcony he resolved to have his scotch tested, someone had obviously slipped a hallucinogen in it again. 

It was impossible for Clark to be standing in the rain outside the locked doors on his twentieth floor balcony, dripping wet and looking wretched in an ill-fitting dark suit. Lex had either deliberately forgotten just how beautiful Clark was, or he had improved with age. Even when obviously miserable, Clark was still gorgeous. 

When blinking a few times didn't clear the vision, Lex snapped back to himself and quickly unlocked the doors. When Clark just stood there staring at him, Lex decided he needed to say something. In his shock he said the first thing that came into his mind. 

"Clark, how did you get up here?" 

Clark just shrugged in response and looked down at his feet. When Lex followed Clark's gaze he noticed with shock that Clark's feet were hovering about five inches off the floor, before they settled back onto the tiles. Lex stood still for a moment, more shocked that Clark was being so open with his abilities than by the fact he was defying the laws of gravity. Deciding that now was not the time to explore that further he got to the most important part. 

"Are you alright?" He asked, knowing that it was a stupid question, but wanting Clark to speak, to let him know how he could help. 

Clark just looked Lex in the eyes and shook his head slowly. Then, seemingly coming to a decision he stepped forward, into the penthouse, and wrapped his arms around Lex. Still not sure what to do, Lex allowed himself to return the embrace, pulling Clark's soaked figure closer. Lex's left hand came up to brush the hair away from Clark's forehead. 

Tucking his face into Lex's shoulder, Clark began to sob heavily but silently. Lex only knew by the heaving of the chest pressed against his. He continued to stroke Clark's hair, not yet allowing himself to question Clark's presence. Despite the years of separation, being enveloped in Clark's arms felt natural. Lex was almost disappointed when Clark seemed to pull himself together and stepped back, looking down at the floor absently. Lex quickly stepped around him to close the door, keeping the heat in, and hopefully preventing Clark from running off the way he had come in. 

"Would you like some dry clothes to put on?" He asked gently, still trying to pretend that it was perfectly normal for the former best friend who he hadn't seen in almost four years to have levitated onto his balcony. 

"Um, yeah thanks." Clark mumbled, still not meeting Lex's eyes. 

"Come through this way, you can have a shower if you like, and I'll leave some clothes by the door." Lex led the way to the bathroom and left Clark there to find some clothes that would fit. He settled for some sweat pants, an old Princeton sweater and some dry socks. Hearing the shower start, Lex left his bundle by the bathroom door and made his way back to the den to stoke the fire and pour himself another drink. On further reflection he poured one for Clark as well. 

* * *

About fifteen minutes later Clark came back into the room dressed in Lex's clothes. Lex gestured for him to take a seat, and was surprised when Clark sat next to him on the couch, rather than taking the opposite armchair. He handed a scotch-filled glass to Clark, who accepted it silently, before taking another sip of his own drink. 

"I kept thinking you would be there today." Clark said, breaking the silence that had descended over the room. "Stupid, huh? I kept expecting you to just walk up next to me and take my hand. Give me someone to lean on like I had to be for Mom. You used to be that person for me, Lex." He continued in an emotionless voice. 

"I wanted to be there. I didn't think I would be welcome." Lex replied, aching at the blankness that he'd never seen in the Clark he remembered. He decided that the only way to deal with Clark's unexpected honesty was to return the favour. 

"Any other day you wouldn't have been. I needed you today. I stopped needing you a long time ago, but I needed you today." 

Lex tried to remember what others had said to him at his own father's funeral before remembering how completely irrelevant his own experience was compared to the relationship between Jonathan and Clark. "I'm so sorry about your father, Clark. He was a good man." 

"He was, and he was always so strong. He was so breakable, but he was always so strong. I can't be that strong, Lex, but I have to be. There's no one else to do it for me." Clark's monotonous tone was starting to scare Lex. He seemed to be burrowing deeper inside himself with every moment, and Lex had no idea how to help. 

"What can I do, Clark? Why did you come to me tonight?" 

"You were always the one, always the one I could let go with, just be me. At least you were until you left, until I forced you away. 

I just needed to get away and I found myself here. I'm so fast that I was here before I'd even thought it through. 

I need to be here right now Lex, but I'll leave if you want." Clark finally broke down again at that, with harsh sobs racking through his body. 

Lex pulled Clark into his arms and ran his hand over Clark's back. He was relieved to be actually doing something, but still so confused about Clark's presence here at all. It must have taken a lot of pride for Clark to show up like this and admit to so much need; it was evidence of how hard Clark was taking his father's death. 

"Of course not, Clark. Whatever you need." 

Clark's arms snaked around Lex's body, pulling him closer still. He angled up his face to look into Lex's eyes, and Lex was amazed at the heat shown there, clouded with sorrow. One of Clark's hands ran from the centre of his back, to cup the back of his neck. Lex yielded to the pull of Clark's hand until their mouths met in a gentle, closed-mouth kiss. 

"Clark, I don't think this is a good idea right now." Lex whispered as he pulled away slightly. He honestly didn't think it would ever be a good idea. No matter how much he wanted it, touching Clark would only ever lead to pain when Clark walked away from him again. 

"Please, Lex. You said anything I need. I need this." Clark replied, pulling Lex closer to him and claiming his mouth again. Clark's tongue demanded entrance as gently explored the contours of Lex's lips. 

Lex allowed Clark's tongue to slip into his mouth, letting himself enjoy the sensation of Clark's hard torso pressed against his own. Clark tasted like Scotch and tears, and the combination made Lex draw back again. 

"We can't do this. I don't want to take advantage of you like this. Besides, where's your Mother? Didn't you say you needed to be there for her?" 

"She's staying with Lana tonight. We both needed a break, we've been together constantly for the last month. I needed some space to myself, and Lana offered Mom a place to stay." Clark pulled Lex to him, and started mouthing his jaw and the side of his neck. 

"I still don't think we should be doing this." 

Clark pulled back, and despite his quiet voice, the set of his jaw revealed how angry he was. This looked much more like the Clark that Lex remembered. "You owe me this Lex. Every breath you have taken since that day on the bridge has been mine. I gave you that breath. It belongs to me, so you belong to me. You said I could have anything I needed. I need this, I need you. I know you want me, Lex. I always knew how you felt about me. I felt the same way about you." 

"Then why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you do something about it?" Lex couldn't argue with Clark about the debt. He'd tried so many times to pay it back, but it had never worked. The truck was returned and Lana remained just out of Clark's grasp. Lex still owed Clark, and he really didn't want to deny him this, he just wanted to understand. 

"I wasn't ready. God, I was just a selfish kid. I think you saw that more than anyone else. It was just too fucking big to deal with. I thought, when I was ready, that you would... that you would still be there. I never thought you'd leave me, give up on me." 

"I had to. I couldn't stay when you wouldn't trust me, when every other week you gave up on me a little more. You say you felt the same way as I did, yet every time you got angry you would unleash floods of vitriol. I couldn't take it any more, not from you. You're the one who declared our friendship over: I just made sure it stayed that way." 

"Like I said, Lex, I was a kid. I was so scared of everything then. Everyone else had these expectations of who I was, but you saw me, and then you left. I'm sorry, but please don't leave me again now." Clark's anger had dissipated quickly and his eyes were filled with tears once again. 

While Lex was ready to comfort him over his father, he wasn't prepared to be the cause of these tears. Although Lex knew Clark was trying to distract himself from the pain of his loss, he wasn't able to deny Clark this, although he would let Clark call the shots. He put his arms around Clark and pulled him into another kiss. "Alright Clark, what do you want? I'm not going anywhere." 

"I want you. Can we go into your room?" 

In lieu of a reply, Lex stood, pulling Clark with him by the hand, and led the way to the bedroom. When they arrived Clark closed the door behind them and silently stripped out of Lex's old clothes. When he was standing there naked and hard, he carefully unbuttoned Lex's shirt, pushing it off Lex's shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. He took a moment to run eyes and fingertips over Lex's creamy skin, lingering over the freckles on his shoulders before dropping his hands to Lex's pants. Once they were undone Lex pushed them off, along with his boxers, causing his own erection to spring forward. 

Lex allowed Clark to lead him to the bed, amazed that after all this time they were there, together. He finally had permission to touch Clark's warm skin, and run his mouth over those plush lips, and he took advantage of that. He settled onto his back and pulled Clark down on top of him, relishing the weight of the firm body above his. 

Clark bent his head and kissed Lex again, gently stroking their tongues against each other as he dipped in and out of Lex's mouth. Running his hands down Clark's back, Lex cupped his ass and ground up into his hip. Clark finally broke his silence with a moan at the sensation of Lex's thigh pressing up between his own and putting pressure on his cock. 

"What do you want, Clark?" Lex asked, gently biting Clark's lower lip. 

"I want you inside of me Lex. Will you fuck me?" 

Lex bit back his immediate response and tried to remain calm. "Are you sure that's what you want. Have you done that before?" 

"Yes Lex, I have and I'm sure. Please." Clark whined 

Lex swallowed the acid taste of jealousy and rolled them over so he was on top of Clark, between his thighs. He stretched across to his bedside table and found the lube in the drawer by touch alone, not taking his eyes off Clark's face, needy and open. He kissed Clark forcefully and then sat back on his heels, admiring the body spread out in front of him. Lex's hands stroked across Clark's clavicle, before running across his chest and down his sternum. Side by side, he ran them down the well formed stomach, moving them apart when they got to Clark's navel to avoid touching the hard straining cock that arched up onto Clark's abdomen. 

Clark pulled his legs up to his chest, exposing himself completely to Lex's gaze. He gasped and squeezed his eyes closed when Lex dropped one hand down over his hip to stroke along his perineum. While Clark's eyes were closed, Lex quickly slicked up the fingers of the other hand. 

Clark's eyes flew open again at the first nudge of a slick index finger against his ass. Rocking up into it, he took the finger easily, and Lex soon replaced it with two. His mouth dropped to take Clark's cock, and he sucked while running his tongue around the head. After enjoying the stretch of scissoring fingers, Clark was getting desperate for more. 

"That's enough, Lex. I need more. Please fuck me." 

Lex reluctantly pulled his fingers out of their tight sheath and slid a condom onto his cock before quickly sliding lube down the covered length. "Roll over for me, Clark. I want you on your side." He ordered gently. When Clark obeyed, Lex stretched out behind him, lining his cock up with Clark's ass. Before he could begin to press in, Clark rocked back, taking several inches into his body. 

"Shit, Clark. Hold still. I want this to last." 

"Sorry, I need you. More, please." 

Lex complied, slowly easing forward until he was completely inside Clark's tight body. Clark hooked one leg back over Lex's calf, holding them together. Lex pulled out slightly before rocking gently back in. His top hand wrapped around Clark's body to cup his cock, stroking in time to his gentle thrusts. He kissed and sucked on the back of Clark's neck and buried his face in Clark's hair. 

It wasn't long before the gentle rocking became faster, and Lex's kisses turned to bites. Clark was shuddering in his arms, getting ever closer to his orgasm. 

"Fuck Lex, I love you." He sobbed as his come covered Lex's hand. 

"Clark... love you too." Lex panted. He brought his hand up to his mouth to taste Clark. This sent him over the edge as well, and he came inside Clark's body while sucking on his own fingers. He remained pressed against Clark, held tight within his body until their breathing slowed. 

Lex finally pulled out and made his way quickly to the bathroom, disposing of the condom and dampening a cloth with warm water to clean Clark up. When he returned, Clark was sobbing on the bed, shoulders shaking quietly. Lex dropped the cloth on the bedroom floor and got back into the bed to wrap his arms around Clark. 

Clark whimpered in the back of his throat and turned into the embrace so they were lying facing each other on the bed. He wrapped his top arm around Lex's waist, and tucked his face into Lex's shoulder. 

Lex could feel the hot tears falling on his skin "God, I'm so sorry Clark. I shouldn't have done that. I took advantage." 

"No, not you. I wanted that. It's Dad. He's really gone." Clark managed between sobs. 

Lex simply tightened his hold on Clark's body and let him cry while he smoothed his hand over Clark's head and back. 

"Don't leave me again, Lex." Clark whispered once he had settled down again. 

"Don't worry, Clark. I'm not going anywhere." Lex was surprised that he was telling the truth. He would be around for Clark in any way he could be. Lex kissed Clark's damp temple and pushed the hair out of his face, holding him as Clark's breath settled into the regular pattern of sleep and his body relaxed. Once he was sure Clark was asleep he allowed his own eyes to close. 

* * *

Lex smiled slightly as he awoke with sun streaming onto his face, remembering the night before. He reached out to touch the beautiful body next to him, and his smile faded as his fingertips only encountered the cool cotton of his sheets. Slowly opening his eyes he realised, Clark was gone. 

The End. 


End file.
